


As Long As You're Still Smiling

by Thatmalu



Category: IT (1990), IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Abusive Parents, Adult Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Alvin Marsh is His Own Warning, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Childhood Trauma, Drinking & Talking, Drunk Driving, Drunken Kissing, Eddie Kaspbrak & Beverly Marsh Step-Siblings, Eddie Kaspbrak Needs A Hug, Eddie Kaspbrak is a Mess, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier-centric, First Dates, Frot is Hot, Frottage, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Mentioned Alvin Marsh, Mentioned Losers Club (IT), Mentioned Sonia Kaspbrak, Parent Death, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reddie, Sad with a Happy Ending, Slurs, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, Step-siblings, Trauma, Young Adult Losers Club (IT)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:54:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28001226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatmalu/pseuds/Thatmalu
Summary: Now that Eddie was nearing his college graduation and realized Richie was queer and was even somehow attracted to Eddie (“Not gay, just a soft spot for Bambi-eyed twinks,” he told Eddie after too many beers at a Halloween party), Eddie figured he would shoot his shot. So, once finals were over and Richie had returned from a stand-up gig in Boston, Eddie asked him out.So here they were, drinking shitty beers on while they danced around the topic of their proximity and privacy and made small talk. While Eddie sunk further and further into the cushions and felt that familiar daze wash over him, he listened to Richie chatter about the different places his agent has sent him to, grinning dopily at Eddie from beside him on the couch.********An AU where Eddie had grown up with Beverly as his step-sister... and Alvin Marsh as his step-father.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 4
Kudos: 72





	As Long As You're Still Smiling

**Author's Note:**

> The following piece of fiction deals with some heavy topics in a non-explicit fashion. Read the tags before proceeding. I wanna take a general shout out to some awesome people on discord for hashing out pieces of this fic with me until it became a whole-ass thing. I pretty much had many separate ideas that have now been fleshed out into this one work.
> 
> I'm actually really happy how it turned out and I hope you readers like it as well. I would love to explore more of Beverly's side of this story, but I don't write her well and I'm also a coward, so I welcome anyone to take these events from her perspective in a way she deserves.
> 
> ***fic title taken from lyrics of Absolute Beginners - David Bowie***

**February 1981**

**Grace Baptist Church, Derry**

*******

In a town as small as Derry, there were only a handful of suspects for the death of Frank Kaspbrak. Since everyone knew everyone, the entire population of this hellhole made face at Frank’s funeral. Each one of them side-eyed each other, wondering who was the piece of shit that put him in the coffin in the first place.

While townsfolk gave their condolences to the grieving widow, a fatherless child now kneeled between the church pews and rolled a tiny model Miata down the smooth wood of the seats. His tiny index and middle fingers pressed down on the top of the toy and glided it up and down, making tire screeching noises as he did so. When his mother saw what he was doing, she just about burst into tears.

“Eddie, do you have any idea what you’re doing?” Sonia wailed down at him.

“Playing cars,” Eddie said, blinking up at his mother innocently. He was only five and much too young to understand how inappropriate it was to play-crash his toy cars at the funeral of his father who had been killed by a drunk driver.

Sonia gripped him by the wrist tightly, yanking him up so suddenly his shoulder was nearly pulled out of its socket. When he cried out, she did not hesitate to smack him in the face before grabbing both of his arms tightly.

“I _told_ you to sit quietly, Eddie! Do you see what happened to your father? Do you see what happens when you don’t _listen to me?”_

No one wanted to call her out on her behavior from that point forward; not after what she had been through. It was understandable, her harsh and protective behavior. Even if Frank hadn’t been killed by someone’s reckless behavior, it was known that Eddie was a small, delicate boy.

One man stepped forward that day, kneeling down to take Eddie by his tear-dripping chin, and looked him sternly in the eyes. When Eddie expected comfort from a stranger, he was instead met with a scowl of disgust.

“Do you see what your mama is going through, boy? Stop crying and man up.”

*******

**December 1996**

**Eddie’s Apartment - Manhattan**

*******

Nothing in Eddie’s closet looked right. After trying on his fifth outfit, he realized that he had the wardrobe of a middle-aged dad at a dinner party and would just have to hope Richie would be into that. Maybe he’d find it endearing and call it _snazzy._ Just before leaving the room, Eddie made one last attempt to tame his quiff and gave himself his last once-over in the mirror. 

The black collar perfectly straightened, peeking out of his multi-colored striped sweater of cobalt blue, gray, and black. It suited him, at least. Beverly always admired how _cozy_ Eddie looked in his slightly-too-big-for-him sweaters, always patterned in a way that would be appropriate for a casual school day or a night out in this late autumn. Normally, Eddie wore browns and warm colors in the season, but Beverly suggested something brighter so his dark eyes would _pop,_ whatever the fuck that meant.

“Richie knows what I look like,” he mumbled to himself in the mirror. “Why the fuck am I so stressed?”

It dawned on Eddie far too late — only two hours before he was supposed to meet Richie at Washington Square Park — that they hadn’t actually made _plans_ for the date. They were just going to have to wing it, unless Richie thought of something they could do. Eddie hoped it wouldn’t be too expensive. Even if he weren’t gay, he’d probably go by Beverly’s rule for dating: The asker always pays. No sexist bullshit. 

“Asking someone on a date should be an offer,” she’d say. “And if you’re on a budget, get creative and take them somewhere that won’t cost much. They won’t care if they’re not an asshole.”

Eddie brought his jacket, but it was slung on his arm as he walked the few blocks across town. It wasn’t terribly cold yet in New York, but the sky was threatening to rain. The air already felt damp, but Eddie always felt calm on nights like this. There were less people out, the air smelled fresh, and it made Eddie nostalgic for memories he wasn’t even sure were real. The calm washing over him was very welcome, considering how nervous he had been to meet Richie on this date.

Richie was sitting on the edge of the fountain in the park. He had chosen to wear an NYU hoodie, despite having dropped out over two years ago after his freshman year. Seeing it made Eddie think about how happy he was that some of Richie’s friends had become his friends as well over these last couple months, thus never severing the connection between them. It made Eddie smile as he approached, hoping Richie would notice him first before he had to break the ice. Thankfully, that was exactly what happened, Richie looking up in Eddie’s direction and smiling brightly right back at him.

“Hey!” Richie called, standing up and giving Eddie a hug. Eddie flinched at the surprising affection, but he hoped Richie didn’t notice, because it was actually quite nice and he didn’t want to discourage him from doing it again. When Richie pulled away, Eddie took a deep breath to dry to catch as much of his scent as possible before it was gone. “You look amazing! I am… way too fucking casual for this. I think I definitely had the wrong idea.”

“No, it’s fine!” Eddie assured him. “I actually, like, really like you in hoodies. I just like big comfy clothes in general. Makes me feel more comfortable just to look at.”

“And yet, you show up looking so _snazzy,”_ Richie said, making Eddie chuckle. One of his hands was still on Eddie’s shoulder and he slid it down Eddie’s arm to feel the fabric -- or perhaps just have an excuse to leave his hand on Eddie. Eddie felt his insane urge to let Richie stick his hands up the hems of it and wrap his arms snugly on his waist against his skin.

“I didn’t actually know what you wanted to do,” Eddie confessed. “I mean, it’s Manhattan, so it’s not like there’s _nothing_ to do. On the contrary, there’s so fucking much that I’m overwhelmed sometimes. But, yeah I didn’t… have any real plans.”

A small smirk played on Richie’s lips as he looked down on Eddie intently. “I mean… if you wanna _do_ something, there’s a sex museum twenty blocks up.”

“A _what?”_

Richie chuckled. “Maybe not? I don’t know, uh… did you wanna grab a bite to eat first? Or we could just go back to my place and chill.”

“Oh.” Back to Richie’s place. Eddie quickly processed their exchange of words and realized that Richie had expected something _casual,_ and it was just dawning on him now that maybe Richie thought this would just be a hook-up.

Which, if that was all this was… that was fine. Neither of them had ever hung out together just the two of them and — come to think of it — Eddie couldn’t recall Richie dating anyone very long. In fact, he had _definitely_ heard Richie brag about hookups at bars he would do stand-up at. Eddie hadn’t dated anyone very long either, so the implications that Eddie wasn’t looking for anything long term were there if one were looking for them. 

In all honesty… maybe a hookup was the best Eddie could do, anyway.

*******

**1994**

**NYU Freshman Dormitory**

*******

“Are you a _virgin?”_

Eddie squirmed uncomfortably on the couch next to his date. “No, I’m not a virgin.”

“Why are you acting like a shy little school girl?” she jeered, running her hand up his thigh the way she had before; just like the first time, Eddie jerked his leg away and pushed her hand away.

“I’m just — nervous. This is our first date, I wasn’t, like expecting anything,” Eddie stammered. “We don’t have to, you know.”

“The fuck kinda guy doesn’t wanna get laid?” she laughed. “What, do I gross you out?”

“I didn’t say that…” Eddie mumbled.

“Then what’s the problem? You a fag or something?”

“No! That’s not — I just thought we’d — talk.”

“Well, I don’t want to talk,” she said, leaning forward so that her face was inches from his. “Is that going to be a problem? Or are you gonna walk back to your dorm?”

Eddie weighed his options. The first was to have sex with her; it would no doubt be terrible for both of them. She’d make fun of his technique or his dick or probably anything she could think of. But, option two — the option to leave immediately — came with the repurcussions of her _still_ telling people he was a bad lay, or maybe tell everyone she knew that he was gay.

And ok, he _was_ gay; but he wasn’t ready for people to know that yet. _He_ wasn’t even ready to know that yet. So, he went with option one.

Terrible mistake.

As Eddie hovered over her, hoping to god he could stay hard and debating whether or not he’d have to fake an orgasm to finish this quickly, she squeaked and smacked his chest.

“Are you even going to make sure I’m ready first? The fuck?”

“Wha —ready? You said you wanted to have sex?”

“I’m not even wet yet, asshole,” she huffed.

Eddie frowned, wondering why the _fuck_ she was even having him do this when she seemed so annoyed by everything already. The second his fingers touched her, he grimaced and buried his face in her neck so she hopefully wouldn’t see. The whole ordeal was even more clunky and disastrous than he anticipated. She huffed the entire time without offering to help make it more enjoyable for either of them, looking up at him expectantly, until he finally gave up.

Eddie left in a hurry, ruminating over every detail of the night and wondering why the hell he couldn’t end a date with a girl right. He walked back to his dorm feeling incredibly embarrassed and told his roommate, Mike, all about the terrible date over a bowl of OG Kush. 

The weed relaxed Eddie enough that his anger over the situation seemed to fade. The tight ball in his chest unwound and he looked up at Mike dopily before his eyes wandered down to where Mike was packing another bowl. He sat there, staring at Mike’s hands, letting his eyes travel up Mike’s arms, shoulders, his broad chest —

There was no way Eddie was going out with a woman again. 

*******

**1996**

**Richie’s Apartment, Manhattan**

*******

“Want a beer?” Richie asked, opening up the fridge.

“Uh, sure,” Eddie said from the couch, even though he didn’t really _like_ beer. Honestly, he’d much prefer a wine. 

“You’re old enough to drink, right?” Richie asked, uncapping their bottles on the kitchen counter.

“Yeah. Turned twenty-one last month. Didn’t think you’d care, since we’ve drank at the same parties before.”

“Well, don’t rat me out. I got a few months to go.”

“Really? I don’t remember you being younger than me. Maybe just because you’ve always been a giant. Your birthday is in March right?”

“March 7th, yeah,” Richie confirmed, sitting down on the couch next to Eddie and handing him his beer. “My roommate Stan bought these and can’t stand them. So it’s up to us to get it out of his sight,” he added with a wink and swig of his beer.

“Bottoms up, I guess,” Eddie sighed, taking his first sip. It tasted like shit. All beer did to him, anyway. He supposed after a couple more, it would go down as easy as water.

Eddie had first met up with Richie again at one of Richie’s gigs in a shady basement bar that sometimes hosted small-time musicians and comedians. They had grown up together in Derry until Eddie and Bev were sent to live with their (really _Bev’s_ ) Aunt Judith in Queens. It wasn’t until a few months ago that Eddie had seen Richie’s name on a tacky chalk board stand outside in lower Manhattan and it jogged up all the memories of Eddie’s repressed crush on him. 

Eddie had actually been on a date with someone else entirely, but his date — Bill — pulled Richie into an argument they were having to weigh in a third party opinion. Richie recognized Eddie immediately; he took one look down at him and drunkenly slurred, “Eddie Spaghetti!” It never worked out with Bill, but they remained friends, and they had even seen Richie a few times over the next year. Later, Bill had confessed that he had hooked up with Richie not long after that night in the bar. 

Now that Eddie was nearing his college graduation and realized Richie was queer and was even somehow attracted to Eddie (“Not gay, just a soft spot for Bambi-eyed twinks,” he told Eddie after too many beers at a Halloween party), Eddie figured he would shoot his shot. So, once finals were over and Richie had returned from a stand-up gig in Boston, Eddie asked him out. 

So here they were, drinking shitty beers on while they danced around the topic of their proximity and privacy and made small talk. While Eddie sunk further and further into the cushions and felt that familiar daze wash over him, he listened to Richie chatter about the different places his agent has sent him to, grinning dopily at Eddie from beside him on the couch. 

“Boston is fucking gorgeous,” he reminisced. “I gotta say though, not very homo friendly from the small glimpse I saw. Mostly just angry racists.”

“So like, Staten Island for the Irish?”

“Exactly,” Richie chuckled. “Probably not the best place to ever take you out to.” He looked down and Eddie felt something smooth over his thigh. Their legs had somehow gravitated together and now Richie was running a hand down Eddie’s jeans.

It was warm and inviting and Eddie couldn’t help but press his leg up against Richie’s until it was basically resting on it, allowing Richie better access to the inner part of Eddie’s leg. 

Eddie had no idea what there was to say in this situation, but Richie had a tendency to fill the silence, anyway.

“You top, right?”

Eddie blinked up at him, surprised by such a direct question. “Uh, I… what makes you say that?”

“Bill said you top,” Richie slurred, looking almost as lust-drunk as he was drunk-drunk. “That’s why you guys didn’t work out, right? Neither of you would bottom? Or was that just you breaking it off with him easy,” he added with a twisted grin.

The brief, quiet pause was broken by Eddie’s audible gulp; he was unable to take his eyes off of Richie’s, startling and intense behind his glasses. “I’ve only topped before, but I could -- try new things.”

Richie’s smile only broadened, finishing his nth drink and casually dropping it onto the coffee table. “Excellent.”

All of Eddie’s nervousness had been drowned in beer and the few shots they had and he casually lifted his arm to drape it along Richie’s shoulders to pull Richie closer. He hadn’t meant for it to be such a bold move, but after their short exchange, Richie quickly registered the proximity and immediately leaned forward to kiss him.

At first, it seemed sloppy, but Eddie realized it was only because he wasn’t used to such a _demanding_ kiss before. Richie knew exactly what he wanted and didn’t hesitate to go for it and there was a brief stall where Richie allowed Eddie to catch up. His kiss was definitely practiced and _hungry,_ exploring Eddie’s mouth in a way Eddie was not familiar with. 

Eddie had kissed Bill before; a little stiff and unsure; clumsy, even. They were both closeted disasters. He had even kissed Mike — or rather, Mike kissed _him,_ while he stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do with his hands or tongue with someone so gentle.

But that’s all Eddie had done before with a guy, and a moan of unfamiliar pleasure erupted from him when Richie slid his hand up Eddie’s thigh and pressed his thumb into the curve of his hip. The hand that wasn’t around Richie’s shoulder reached up and slid into Richie’s curls, soft and still a little damp from the rain. Richie groaned, biting at Eddie’s bottom lip gently and he pulled Eddie further into his lap with ease.

Something was itching the back of Eddie’s brain, feeling his legs spread out where he was straddling Richie. A small whimper escaped him and it must’ve spurred Richie on, because he reached back and firmly grabbed Eddie’s ass and pulled him in until their chests were pressed together, their bodies flush against each other. When Richie slid his hand down further, brushing up against where Eddie was pressed hard in his jeans, Eddie felt like something had just electrocuted him. On instinct, he pulled at Richie’s hair to get him to pull off so Eddie could tell him to stop, but the action was miscommunicated; Richie instead bit down harder on Eddie’s lip, dipping his hand into the hem of Eddie’s jeans.

That’s when something stirred from deep within Eddie, something primal and enraged and the next thing he knew, his fist collided with Richie’s nose and an audible _crack!_ erupted through the air.

*******

**1983**

**Kaspbrak-Marsh Residence, Derry**

*******

“Hey.”

The soft voice outside of the covers made Eddie jump, his heart pounding against his chest. Slowly, he pulled them down to peek over his blankets and over into the green eyes staring at him with concern.

“Sonia said you’re staying home sick,” Beverly whispered. Her hands were holding onto the straps of the backpack slung on her back, fully dressed to go to school.

“You’re supposed to call her mom now,” Eddie whimpered, sniffling pathetically.

“Not if my life depended on it,” Bev said firmly.

“Dad is gonna get mad,” Eddie reminded her.

“You don’t have to call him that when he’s not home. Just call him Al.”

Eddie sighed, turning over and nuzzling his face into his pillow. He immediately regretted this move, as it was all too familiar to the way his head was pressed into it last night when -- when --

“Go to school, Bev. She may not be your mom, but she’ll tell him you were bugging me when I was sick. She gets really mad when people bother me when I’m sick.”

“Why are you crying?”

“I’m not crying!” Eddie whined, unable to stop tears from spilling awkwardly down the side of his face and collecting uncomfortably against the bridge of his nose. “Beverly, just leave me alone. Mommy will take care of me.”

Bev let go of her straps and let her backpack sag down her back as she sat on the edge of Eddie’s bed. One of her hands reached over and brushed Eddie’s bangs out of his face. “I saw him come in here.”

“Shut up,” Eddie mumbled, sniffling to avoid the embarrassment of cry-snot while Beverly was looking at him.

“You can tell me Eddie. Does he come in here a lot?”

“I said shut up!” Eddie cried, sitting up to throw his pillow at her. She immediately shielded her face with her arm, stopping the pillow and letting it drop to the floor. For some reason a deeper part of him wanted to lash out at her, rage boiling in his tiny chest, and he opened his mouth to shout at her to get out. It only came out in pathetic sobs as he doubled over in his bed, pain aching deep in his body as he moved like this. It helped, though, when she leaned forward and wrapped her lithe arms around him and let him cry into her shoulder.

“He does it to me, too,” Beverly said after a minute, rubbing his back. “Ever since ma died. Any night he’s not in here, he’s with me.”

This wasn’t something Eddie _wanted_ to comfort him, knowing that his step-sister was experiencing something he deemed so _sickening,_ something he swore his mommy had warned him about from strangers. Yet it did, in some small way, soothe him to know he wasn’t alone.

*******

**1996**

**Richie’s Apartment**

*******

“Fuck, shit, fuck, fucking _shit.”_

Eddie was desperately trying to stop the blood flow from Richie’s nose, reminding Richie to _keep his fucking head down,_ because _no, you don’t tilt your head back for a nose bleed or it’ll drip down your throat._ None of the blood got on Eddie’s sweater, but he nearly panicked twofold when he realized some had sprayed on his chin when he had _thwacked_ Richie in the face.

Richie hissed when Eddie pressed a bag of frozen peas gently to his nose, but otherwise had settled down far easier than Eddie had. 

“I think this definitely sobered me right the fuck up,” Richie mumbled, chuckling beneath where Eddie was kneeling over him on the couch.

“Shit, Richie, I’m so fucking sorry,” Eddie cried, grimacing as he peeked at the bruising on Richie’s pale skin.

“S’all good, Doctor K. You’ll patch me right up.”

Despite the horrifically embarrassing circumstances, Eddie felt an affectionate flutter in his chest as Richie smiled up at him. “I forgot you used to call me that.”

“Honestly? I probably got myself hurt half the time on purpose on the playground just as an excuse for you to touch me.”

“You never needed an excuse. You pinched my cheeks on the daily and tickled me in class.”

“You didn’t seem to mind so much,” Richie mused. “Never did cuff me before.”

“That’s ‘cause you weren’t trying to touch my dick,” Eddie muttered.

“Hmm,” Richie hummed, looking thoughtful. “So, you’ve never been with a guy, right? You’ve only topped before because you’ve only been with girls?”

Eddie could feel the blush creeping on his cheeks as he bit his lip. “Cats outta the bag, I guess.”

“Sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” 

Richie’s voice was so sincere and Eddie felt a lump harden in his throat. He quickly tried to swallow it down before he became overwhelmed again.

“I’m sorry I punched you.”

“Not the first time it’s happened, to be honest,” Richie laughed. “Although usually it’s my mouth that gets me in trouble.” 

Once Richie’s nose finally stopped bleeding, he went into the bathroom to clean himself off and change his hoodie. Eddie hastily cleaned up the evidence piled up on the coffee table and looked around for a spray to wipe the surface clean before Richie came back out. Mostly, he was trying to distract himself from the knowledge of _why_ he had been so quick to hit Richie from such a simple touch. It wasn’t something he wanted to think about anymore. He wanted to go home, but he figured it would be more polite to wait on the couch for Richie before just bolting off.

“Well, disaster averted,” Richie chuckled, coming back around to plop down next to Eddie.

“How the fuck was it averted?” Eddie huffed.

“I’m still dashingly handsome and you’re still here,” Richie grinned, throwing his arm up on the back of the couch behind Eddie.

There was bruising around the bridge of Richie’s nose, but otherwise it really didn’t look too bad. Eddie was still embarrassed by the whole ordeal, but Richie rubbed his shoulder gently.

“Look, we were having a nice time,” he said gently. “We can still hang out and watch a movie or something. Cuddle on the couch.”

“I have to be home by eleven,” Eddie said.

“You have a curfew?” Richie laughed incredulously. “Aren’t you a grown ass man? Well, not really _grown_ so much, but…”

“No, I just…” Eddie took a deep breath, trying to will his body to stop shaking. “I have someone waiting for me at home.”

“Someone?” Richie probed.

Eddie supposed this had to come up at some point. They had never spoken about it before, obviously, because there had never been a time or place or _reason_ before now. But now that they weren’t just hooking up, now that Richie genuinely wanted to spend time with Eddie and have a nice date, well… Eddie would have to drop this bomb on him, eventually.

“I got my lady waiting for me at home,” Eddie explained, shuffling his legs.

“You… _oh.”_ Richie looked quite stricken, disappointed even. “Is she, like… your beard?”

“Not exactly. Do you wanna see her?”

“Uh,” was all Richie got out before Eddie fumbled for his wallet. He took it out and fished the tiny 2x3 print from behind his credit card and handed it over to Richie.

The reaction wasn’t immediate; Richie simply took the photo and blinked a few times, trying to process what he was looking at. Then, a delightful glee shot through Eddie when Richie’s face lit up.

“What’s her name?” Richie asked.

“Lucy,” Eddie beamed; all of his previous jitters were now happily being replaced with a joyful pride he was becoming familiar with.

“Jesus, she looks just like you,” Richie chuckled. “Honest to god, if I had those eyes looking up at me, there’s no way I could ever say no. She must be spoiled to hell.”

“I could say I try my best to avoid that, but… yeah, she pretty much has me wrapped around her finger.”

“Damn, Eds,” Richie laughed again, shaking his head. “The balls on you. _Literally._ Eddie Kaspbrak has a fucking kid. Your own little fuck trophy.”

“Weird, right? I still can’t believe it, to be honest.”

“I guess you had her in high school?” Richie frowned. “I mean, she’s big. She’s gotta be, what, like four or five?”

“Oh, uh… she’s… uh… seven, actually.”

 _“Seven?_ What the hell, you had her when you were fourteen?”

“Thirteen,” Eddie mumbled. All the happy stuff was crumbling away again as Richie looked up at him with a look of -- what, disgust? Disbelief?

“Wasn’t… wasn’t that around the time you left Derry?” Richie asked slowly.

Eddie gulped so audibly it felt like a gunshot in his ears. “Uh, y-yeah… like right then.”

“Eds, she’s not like… this isn’t, like, some teachers kid, right?” Richie asked, voice deep with concern. “You didn’t leave to escape some crazy bitch at the school?”

“No, no,” Eddie shook his head, closing his eyes tight. “It wasn’t like that. She wasn’t -- she wasn’t an adult.”

“Ok…” Richie said, still looking somewhat distraught over the news. “Well, I mean… she’s ok with you -- you know -- being out with a guy? The mom, I mean?”

“Well, yeah, she -- she’s not really in the picture, sort of,” Eddie muttered, wishing he could better articulate his thoughts in his nervousness. The less information the better, but Richie had a tendency to keep talking, and it was an issue that Eddie was kicking himself now for not taking into consideration.

“Well, that sucks,” Richie scoffed. “Fuck her.”

“It’s not like that,” Eddie said defensively. “She didn’t _want_ to have a kid Richie.”

“Not like what?” Richie pressed. “That sounds exactly like all absentee parent bullshit. That’s real shitty of her to dump the kid on you -- ”

“Hey, fuck off!” Eddie snapped, feeling his face burning with heat. “She was also fucking _thirteen,_ Rich. Can you even imagine how horrible it was for her to be pregnant then? It’s not like she had a fucking choice, not when our fucking dad wouldn’t have let her go to a doctor, not without -- ”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the fuck up. _‘Our_ dad?’”

Eddie froze; it felt like dry ice had dropped into the pit of his stomach as Richie gaped at him. He didn’t know what to say -- what the fuck he _could_ say right now, watching helplessly as Richie looked back down at the picture of Eddie’s daughter, eyeing the red hair and putting the pieces together.

“Eds… is this… is this _your_ kid… or your sisters… or… both?”

“Step-sister,” Eddie managed to croak. “Beverly is my step-sister.”

In the dreadful silence that followed, Eddie ruefully realized he finally found a way to make Richie Tozier shut the fuck up.

*******

**1987**

**The Clubhouse, Derry**

*******

_“Go away!”_

“Eddie, please let me in…”

Eddie was curled up on the floor of his clubhouse, one of the few places that he had to escape. Of course, Beverly had followed him here, deeply concerned about him. Not long ago, Eddie would have welcomed her down the hatch without a second thought, but now… well, now, she had become part of the problem.

Despite his reluctance, Beverly still managed to pry the entrance open and make her way down to where Eddie was hiding. His face was covered in tears and snot and dirt from trekking through the wilderness to get here in such a hurry. One of his many school bullies had made a cruel joke about Eddie _getting it on_ with his step-sister, and it was enough to make him snap. Had Eddie been bigger or braver, he might’ve stood up to Henry and punched him square in the jaw.

Instead, he ran.

“He doesn’t know,” Beverly assured Eddie. “There’s no way he could know.”

“That’s not the point,” Eddie whispered, his voice hoarse from his crying. “I can’t -- I can’t let him do that anymore Beverly.”

“Who, Henry?”

“No,” Eddie whined, closing his eyes tight in shame. “Dad and his -- his sick fucking games. Telling me -- telling me it’ll -- it’ll make me a man. _How the fuck does hurting you make me a man?”_ he shouted, looking at her desperately. “I don’t _want_ to be a monster like he is!”

“So you won’t do it anymore?” Beverly asked quietly.

“No! I fucking won’t. I’m not -- he can do whatever he wants to me, he is _not_ making me do that to you _again.”_ Eddie’s voice broke in a sob near the end, but Beverly somehow remained perfectly calm.

“Eddie,” she said. “I don’t want to, either. But you don’t hurt me as bad as he does. He can make you do it, but it still isn’t as bad as when he…”

“So, what?” Eddie cried. 

“So… I’m just afraid if you won’t do it, he will,” she said quietly. 

“Bev… please don’t make me,” Eddie begged, his voice barely anything more than breath. “I can’t… I don’t want to…”

“So you’d rather him go back to hurting us himself?”

“No! I don’t want _any_ of this, Bev!”

“We don’t really have much of a choice, do we?” she said, still staring off in front of her with an emptiness in her eyes. “But, if you can’t… I guess I can’t convince you, but… he might find a way.”

Eddie shuddered at the thought, pulling his legs tight into his chest and crying into his knees where his jeans were already soaked with tears. He had already learned that no one cared to find the drunk driver that killed his father. Even more disheartening, no one said a damn word about the man the town all _knew_ killed his father marrying his mother. Eddie never resented Beverly for who his father was. He couldn’t resent her for the things Al made them do to each other.

But damn it all if it didn’t kill him more each day to look at her.

*******

**1996**

**Richie’s Apartment**

*******

The ginger in the tea burned the back of Eddie’s throat, but it was oddly comforting. It soothed over the roughness there after his crying and momentarily made him forget about how embarrassing it was to have a full on mental breakdown -- or two -- on a first date; even if it was with someone you’ve known since grade school.

Still, Eddie was extremely grateful for Richie’s calmness in the situation. They were back on the couch after Richie brewed some hot water for the tea, sitting in a gentle silence while Eddie gently tucked his socked feet under Richie’s leg.

“I’m sorry this got so heavy,” Eddie mumbled, feeling the steam from his mug waft around his face against his breath.

“Don’t be sorry,” Richie said, lifting his own feet up so they could rest on the coffee table. “I’m sorry for… I dunno, your life sucking a lot? I wish I had known what was going on with you two back then.”

“S’not so bad now,” Eddie sighed. “There wasn’t anything you could’ve done back then. We were all young, too scared to say anything or know what would happen. But I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have Lucy to come home to now.”

“That’s why you left Derry, right?” Richie asked quietly.

“Yeah,” Eddie nodded. “Beverly, she… she thought it was her dad, considering I didn’t know I could -- you know, _do that_ yet. We didn’t know anything about that stuff. She found out during a nurse physical when she was trying to try out for field hockey and the nurse just assumed… My mom was so quick to defend the piece of shit after the nurse reported it, which shouldn’t surprise me considering he was the one to fucking kill my dad and she still -- whatever. Beverly’s aunt offered to take us, so the social worker only had us in foster care for a little bit before we left Maine and moved to Queens.”

“Who took care of Lucy?”

“All of us, I guess. Like, we didn’t think she was really mine until… well, I guess it should’ve been obvious, but even Aunt Judy was in denial that I could’ve been. When I started college, I went into the dorms, and Beverly was working, but I could tell Beverly didn’t want to be a mom. It wasn’t that she didn’t love Lucy, or even that she was a _bad_ mom, it just wasn’t something she wanted, and I couldn’t blame her for that. So we took our savings to get Lucy and I the deposit on an apartment and,” Eddie made a grand, general gesture. “Here we are.”

“Here you are,” Richie nodded slowly. “And Beverly is in Chicago.”

“She deserves it,” Eddie said, the slightest bit defensive still. “Honest to god she does. Life has been nothing but shit to her and she’s worked so hard to get away from all of that. Now she’s seeing some guy named Ben and he seems really sweet. She loves her program in school and has this amazing internship. She still checks in on Lucy, but she’s happy being Aunt Bev.”

“And you’re happy?” Richie asked gently.

“Yeah,” Eddie said. “I’m getting there. Just, you know… gotta get this gay thing figured out.”

It finally broke the serious tension in the room as Richie and Eddie both laughed together on the couch, careful not to spill their tea and make another mess. A lightness was starting to fill Eddie again and he carefully adjusted himself so that he could lean against Richie casually.

“I’ve gotta get going soon,” he said softly. “My friend Patty is watching her for me and I don’t wanna keep her waiting.”

To his pleasant surprise, Richie leaned over and kissed his temple gently. “Want me to walk you home?”

Eddie couldn’t help but smile at the simplicity of it. “Yeah. I’d love that.”

*******

**Later**

**Eddie’s Apartment, Manhattan**

*******

The living room was glowing in the dim, blue light of the television screen that Patty wasn’t even paying attention to when Eddie and Richie walked in. The volume was on mute and Patty was sitting there doing some sort of crossword puzzle with Lucy’s head on a pillow in her lap. She looked up with a brief, surprised startle at the strange gentleman that followed Eddie inside.

“Hey!” she whispered enthusiastically. She moved awkwardly, trying to delicately move the pillow from her lap where Lucy’s head rested before setting it back down on the couch. “I guess you had a nice night?”

“More or less,” Eddie told her simply, stepping around his armchair to give her a hug. “Thanks so much for everything, Patty.”

“Anytime,” Patty assured him, giving him a good squeeze before stepping back to grab her purse. “Don’t have too much fun tonight.”

She snuck a wink over at Eddie before waving goodbye to Richie, but Eddie was too preoccupied with the small lump on the couch. As carefully as possible, he scooped the tiny girl into his arms, blanket and all, cradling her close to his chest so she could rest her head against him. She barely stirred as Eddie turned to face Richie, who looked down at her in awe.

“Damn,” Richie whispered. “That’s a whole ass tiny person you made, Eds.”

Eddie snorted, rolling his eyes at Richie’s choice of words. “Yeah, I sure did.”

Stirred by Eddie speaking, Lucy shifted in his arms and fluttered her eyelids open briefly. She mumbled something incoherent before rolling over to throw her arm over his shoulder while he adjusted her across his chest. He cradled the back of her head while he tip-toed to her room, laying her down in the jungle-themed bed set before carefully tucking her in.

When Eddie came back out, Richie was sitting on the armrest of the couch, drumming his hands on his knees to a beat that Eddie didn’t recognize. He smiled softly up at Eddie when he came out, sauntering over to Richie and tucking himself between Richie’s legs. It was the perfect height to kiss him without having to stand up on his tippy-toes, draping his arms around Richie’s neck as he pressed himself into him.

“Do you want me to get going?” Richie whispered, breaking their kiss.

“Does it feel like I want you to?” Eddie breathed, pulling Richie’s face to kiss him again. 

With an unsteady gait, Eddie pulled gently on Richie’s shirt to guide him back into his bedroom. It was much more awkward with the height difference and he nearly stumbled on the carpet, having one brief moment of panic in which he surely thought he was going to fall on his ass before Richie caught him around the waist.

“I wasn’t expecting, uh…”

“I didn’t think you were coming over!” Eddie immediately said in defense of his disastrous room. “These were, like, all the clothes I tried on before going out to see you.”

“Aw, for little ole’ me?” Richie teased, gently tugging at the bottom of Eddie’s sweater. “All that effort just for me to take it off.”

“That was the idea, yeah,” Eddie chuckled, lifting his arms up for Richie to take his sweater off. It left a trail of static and his hands flew to his head to tame his hair, but Richie gently took his hands away to start kissing across his cheeks.

“You know, we don’t have to go crazy,” Richie told him, his voice soft as it ghosted across Eddie’s skin. 

“Yeah, I… gotta admit, I’m still really nervous,” Eddie confessed shyly. “I haven’t had good experiences topping or bottoming, so…”

“I wouldn’t count those,” Richie murmured. “But, listen… you don’t have to be either.”

“Either… what?”

“A top or a bottom.”

Eddie couldn’t help but laugh, tilting his head in confusion as he sat on the edge of his bed in front of where Richie still stood. “What other option is there?”

“Well, I used to be a vegetarian,” Richie began, further confusing Eddie as he was starting to unbutton Eddie’s shirt slowly. “Well, for like a year, anyway. It wasn’t so bad, because even though I didn’t like a lot of the fake meat stuff, I had a preference for side dishes. I may eat burgers now, but no one can convince me that Stan’s mashed potatoes are better than steak.”

“Is my dick the mashed potatoes in this scenario?” Eddie laughed, leaning back onto the bed while Richie slowly undid his pants.

“Sort of,” Richie smiled, looking up at him. “What I’m trying to say is… side dishes are still pretty fucking delicious. Meat or no meat.”

“Please stop talking about meat,” Eddie giggled, throwing his head back and covering his face. “The images in my head are _not_ providing good foreplay.”

“Well, _something_ is,” Richie noted once Eddie’s jeans were off. 

Eddie had barely noticed that he was nearly naked, laying there in just his briefs now; Richie was making him feel so giddy, his anxiety didn’t seem too bothered. With all of him practically out in the open, Richie took a moment to finally start taking his clothes off and Eddie was more than happy to just look up and watch as he stripped himself awkwardly in the dim light of Eddie’s bedroom. When Richie finally took off his undershirt, he looked down at Eddie in just his boxers with his glasses askew and hair all tousled and a stupid grin on his face. It was far more relaxing than the beer had been.

“C’mere,” Eddie whispered, reaching an arm out so he could pull Richie down into the bed with him. 

The kissing was so electric now with Richie’s hot skin against his; everywhere Richie’s hands went left a trail of heat and made Eddie’s skin tingle, his chest fluttering pleasantly with their motions. Between the nibbles on Eddie’s neck, Richie was whispering softly against his flesh to let him know where his hands were going before he moved, until finally both their clothes were completely off.

“Damn, good for you, Kaspbrak,” Richie chuckled. “I gotta say, was _not_ expecting you to be hiding that in your short-shorts.”

“Fuck off, Trashmouth,” Eddie scoffed playfully, pulling Richie back down to kiss him again.

Their tongues slid together just as Richie pressed his hips into Eddie’s, their cocks rubbing against each other and forcing a moan out of Eddie’s mouth. They adjusted every now and then to get the angle right, this simple motion of rubbing their bodies flush together, and it was everything Eddie would have wanted in a moment like this. He fisted his hand into Richie’s hair just as he felt that familiar pull in his belly, his abdomen tensing up as he felt his own warm fluids spilling onto it. 

Richie looked down at him like Eddie was somehow the most magnificent thing he had ever laid eyes on, panting and flushed and sticky now with drying cum on his stomach. Richie gently pushed down on Eddie’s shoulder, letting him know that he could relax while he fisted his cock over Eddie to finish himself off, his other hand smoothing down Eddie’s leg. Eddie felt Richie’s fingers dig into his thigh first before Richie came, watching him shoot white strings all over the already made mess on Eddie’s torso.

The act had been so simple and wonderful, and Eddie felt his cheeks burning with a smile while he watched Richie carefully clean him off, trailing kisses across Eddie’s chest.

“How you feeling?” Richie asked, his voice deep with sleepiness.

“Tired,” Eddie whispered. “I’d really like it if you spent the night.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course,” Eddie beamed, cupping Richie’s chin to pull him into a quick, chaste kiss. 

It was a miracle that Eddie managed to move at all, but eventually he was snug under the covers with Richie, completely comfortable with their bare skin against each other as he curled up to Richie’s side and draped an arm over Richie’s chest. Everything he had been worried about earlier in the night had been drained from his thoughts, and he barely had time to register how soft Richie’s skin was before sleep took him.

*******

**The Next Morning**

**Eddie’s Apartment**

*******

The scream that had woken Eddie up had dissolved into a fit of childish giggles. His heart was still hammering in his chest from his initial panic, but he rested his head back down onto the pillow while he listened to Lucy laughing gleefully from outside his bedroom. Eddie took a moment to digest everything that had happened the night before, finally settling into a happy calm and smiling up at his ceiling. 

A strange first date, but a good ending nonetheless.

Eddie is immediately hit with an aroma of syrup and cinnamon when he walks out into the small hallway and he smiles as he continues towards the sound of a pan on the stove and an odd voice.

When Eddie walked into the kitchen, Lucy was giggling again at Richie’s Kermit voice while he scooped a wonky-shaped pancake onto her plate. Her hair was sticking up so chaotically from her sleep that she looked like she had been electrocuted, framing around her head like a silly red halo. Her freckled cheeks were crinkled in laughter when she finally spotted Eddie and widened her big brown eyes at the sight of him.

“Morning, Daddy!” she squealed, still coming down from her giggles.

“Mornin’, Pumpkin,” Eddie murmured, pressing her hair down flat for a moment so he could kiss the top of her head. 

“Morning’, Handsome,” Richie winked, putting the frying pan back down on the stove. “Care for a pancake? Omelet?”

“Not just yet,” Eddie smiled, looking down at Lucy with affection as she shoveled syrup-soaked cake into her mouth. Eddie would let that much sugar in the morning slide for now.

He felt something brush his shoulder and realized Richie was gently nudging him over to the edge of the kitchen, just out of earshot of Lucy.

“It’s ok that I did this, right?” Richie asked seriously. “I was gonna make you breakfast and then she just kinda showed up and started doing the fucking newspaper crossword.”

“Yeah, it’s ok,” Eddie assured him, gently tugging on Richie’s shirt to kiss him softly. “It’s more than ok. And I just… wanted to… thank you. For everything; last night, and now this morning…”

“You don’t have to do that,” Richie said quietly, rubbing his hand up and down Eddie’s forearm. “I had a great time with you. I’d like to… keep having a good time with you.”

Eddie smiled up at him, gently rubbing the back of his fingers along the stubble on Richie’s chin. “Well, you know, I’m taking Lucy to the zoo today… Might be a lot more fun to have someone there giving the animals different voices so she doesn’t have to listen to me talk about, like, lion captivity statistics.”

“Is that so?” Richie chuckled quietly. “Well, I think I have to take you up on that.”

“Perfect,” Eddie beamed up at him.

“Perfect,” Richie smiled back.

Richie leaned forward and kissed Eddie on the forehead, gently cupping Eddie’s face with both hands and lingering just for a moment. Eddie took a minute to watch Richie go back into the kitchen and sit down with Lucy, telling her some silly joke to make her laugh into her pancakes again. He was still beaming, taking a mental picture in his head of the cute scene in front of him, letting out a content sigh before joining them, looking forward to his day with them both.

*******

**Author's Note:**

> <3 feel free to comment or yell at me on tumblr @ fuckbitchesgetreddie <3


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